Tumblr

I guess I'm moving this to here:

http://michaelrmayer.tumblr.com/

Blogger's interface is kind of a confusing piece of shit comparitively.

I'll probably do a few posts on Tumblr then stop for a year or two like I always do.

chat logs

9:55 AM Megan: i just sent you a link to your xmas gift

 me: i'll check it out

 Megan: yeah

9:56 AM me: rats with spikes

 Megan: hahaha

  ALBINO

 me: fucking GREAT

 Megan: michael, they come with vitamins

 me: just what every family needs

9:57 AM fuckin Hedgehog Vitamins

 Megan: yep

 me: what the hell is WRONG with people?

 Megan: im going to get those for you...and a snake...and a baby parrot

  and a german shep puppy

  :)

9:58 AM you can put them all in the 55 gallon aquarium i will also buy for you

 me: GREAT.

 Megan: and the zebra finches

 me: it'll be a Merry Fucking Christmas in the Mayer house

 Megan: gotta get two because the person will not separate them

9:59 AM me: added bonus: my place will smell like Herpeton

 Megan: mmmmm

  that exotic animal scent

  scentsy should trademark that smell

10:00 AM and make it into a featured or 'seasonal' smell

  hahaa

 me: "Dave's Dank Dungeon"

 Megan: hahahahaha

  in the 'creeper' section of scents

 me: hahhahahha

 Megan: also available: "used panties"....."old tacos and failure"

 me: between "Dried Semen" and "Fresh Blood "

 Megan: hahahahahaha

10:01 AM I was TOTALLY going to suggest "dried semen" too

  "dingle berries and comic books"

 me: "12 Sided Die and Cheetos"

10:02 AM Megan: hahahaha

  also available: "just doritos"

 me: Also in the creeper section "Rope Burns 'n Desperation"

 Megan: sick!

10:03 AM creeper romance section: "new computer and Lubriderm"

 me: hhhahahahhahah ( "just doritos" )

  "Jergens 'n Japanimation"

10:04 AM Megan: hahahaha

  man...we could make tons of cash

10:05 AM if scentsy only knew

Dealbreakers

I'm a fan of 30 Rock and in the second season,  Liz writes a book called "Dealbreakers".


As I grow older, I realize I have dealbreakers of my own.


Political :

Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity ( I can let Rush Limbaugh slide. Sure, he's full of shit but he can string together a coherent train of thought. )

Musical :

James Blunt ( maybe the most lyrically embarrassing "musician" of our lifetime. Closely followed by the dude from Train)

Literary :

Thomas Pynchon, Clive Cussler ( Thomas Pynchon is unreadable and I read one Clive Cussler book and was stumped as to how he is a "best selling" author. Just. Fucking. Awful. And yes, I read lots of Stephen King. Suck it. )

Television :

Oprah ( fuck Oprah Winfrey )


Movies:


Titanic ( I have never seen, nor will I EVER see, Titanic )








I do wish I occasionally had something positive to say on here but.....I just don't.

the guns

Sometimes, when I'm around people I don't know very well, I'll say the word "cunt" and forget that some folks find it offensive.

Lasso of Truth

Due to a bizarre set of circumstances, Jen and Lily ended up in the bedroom searching for videos of Wonder Woman on YouTube.

Not surprisingly, there are LOTS of clips of Wonder Woman on YouTube. In fact, some "fans" have taken the time to edit together every single time she did that spin-change-turn-into-wonder-woman thing BY SEASON. So if you, as a fan of Wonder Woman, wanted to see a 10 minute montage of Linda Carter taking her hair out of a ponytail, looking around for a second and then spinning around, well, here you go. 


What fascinates me most about my child watching 10 minutes of a shitty show from the 80s is how analytical she was about it. She wasn't laughing or smiling. Just watching.

And....................learning?

I have no idea because after the video was over, we tried to get her to do some "Wonder Woman Spins" and she wouldn't. Even after Jen and I BOTH demonstrated how to do a proper spin. Even after I offered to make the explosion noises and hummed the tune that always plays when she spins.

No dice.

Evidence:

Father's Day.

1984

I met Eric Copeland the first day of sixth grade in 1984. It was my first day of school ( junior fucking high no less ) in a new town. We had just moved to Plainview, TX a week or so earlier.

Eric was sitting next to me in my very first class and he was the first person to talk to me. We became fast friends.

That's Lily and Eric's daughter Emma who is 12. The same age Eric and I were when we met.

Getting older blows my mind sometimes.