Attention fatties.

I don't know how you got so big.

Maybe you have a glandular problem.

Maybe a skinny woman sexually abused you as a child.

Or maybe you just couldn't put down the motherfucking Twinkies.

Whatever the cause of your tonnage, it in no way explains why you stop in front of me in the HEB parking lot and jam up five cars behind me so that you can get a parking space that's TEN FUCKING FEET closer than the next space past it.

I realize that those additional ten feet promise a painful, wheezy, and sweaty journey for you, but please don't let your chunkdom be an excuse for being completely inconsiderate.

Thank you.