American Disparage

I wear t-shirts almost exclusively and finding a t-shirt brand, style and size that fits correctly is often difficult.

I'm picky.

If the shirt is too big and baggy it makes me hot and uncomfortable and if it's too tight my nipples show and it makes EVERYONE uncomfortable.

It was with great joy that I headed to the Round Rock Outlet mall with my lovely wife and beautiful daughter, for I had recently discovered that there was an American Apparel store there. If you're not familiar with American Apparel, they are the company with the ad campaign that looks like it was shot in a pedophile's basement in the mid-80s.

Despite their creepy-ass ads, I happen to think that how they treat their employees is awesome. They run a union shop with fair trade practices, so I don't have some 6 year old Taiwanese kid's bloody fingers on my conscience.

All good things, right?

Right.

So, it was with a happy heart that I stepped into their store.

This happiness, alas, did not last.

Let me digress for a moment with some background information about myself.

1. I don't care what your sexual preference is. Really. I could give a shit if you like boys or girls or both or neither. I will judge you on the basis of your character and how you treat me and others.

2. I'm neither shocked nor bothered by piercings or tattoos. I have tattoos and have had piercings in the past. Again, I don't care. At all. I live in Austin, TX for chrissakes. I can't throw a rock without hitting a guy with tight black jeans, sleeves and 8 gauge plugs in his ears.

Are we crystal clear on these two points?

3. I fucking hate pretentious hipsters.

Oftentimes, pretentious hipsters are gay men with lots of tattoos and piercings. One has nothing to do with the other. You can be gay and not a pretentious hipster. You can have tattoos and piercings and not be a pretentious hipster. However, when you run into a gay, pretentious hipster with tattoos and piercings they always seem to think that you're judging them because they are gay and have piercings and tattoos.

Still with me?

So, what did I find when I walked into the American Apparel store in Round Rock?

Fucking hipsters.

Gay, pretentious hipsters with piercings and tattoos.

The trifecta of bad customer service.

I could sense their disdain for the three of us the minute we walked in the door. A straight couple with a baby is kryptonite to hipsters. It's their fucking NIGHTMARE, the antithesis of everything they are.

We were, very clearly, the antichrist.

And how might one treat the antichrist?

By ignoring them utterly.

We obviously were looking for specific items, we obviously needed help and there were three of us ( counting Lily ) and three of them.

So, they answered the phone. They stood in the corner and folded shirts. They did everything BUT make eye contact with us, offer to help, you know act like a fucking employee.

So, we eventually found what we wanted, Jen left to go look at another store and I stayed to pay.

Again, not a word from them, save the obligatory, "Is this all for you?".

So, I got my conscience-clearing, union-friendly t-shirts and walked out.

I didn't get mad, I didn't ask to speak to their manager ( I'm sure one of them was the manager, probably the one with the most tattoos and visible chest hair ), I just paid for my shit and left.

And I've been brewing over it for a few weeks now.

I visited the American Apparel web page again and found a feedback form. I'm gonna mail them and let them know what happened, not because I want someone to get fired, but because when you're in the business of doing the right thing ( as they clearly are ), then you should want to attract as many paying customers as possible.

Even if they are lower-middle-class breeders like us.