I'm seriously considering writing a book on how much having a newborn totally sucks.
I should preface that by saying how much I Love her (I do, by the way) and how I'm glad she's here and healthy and how grateful I am for those things, because I am. I realize how lucky we are in so many ways, and of course it's not all bad.
However, I've found that very few people want to talk about how much you can really hate the responsibility, the lack of sleep, the fucking HASSLE that taking care of a baby can be. Jen and I have some friends who completely agree with us and their daughter is 2 and 1/2 now, but when she was younger they had all kinds of nightmarish stuff happen. I guess everyone does, and it's just not cool to admit that when your daughter is screaming her head off for no discernible reason, it makes you want to run into oncoming traffic.
I just would have felt a little less like a monster if I had known before that I wasn't the only person who felt this way, got this frustrated and fell apart this easily.
As I write this, she's asleep on the couch next to Lucy and Charlie, happily sucking on her pacifier ( just like Maggie-it makes the noise and everyting ) and I think she's the greatest thing ever. This could all turn on a dime though, and I think that I'm always a little flinchy with her because I just hate the screaming and crying SO FUCKING MUCH. ( she's still the greatest thing ever, she's just sometimes the LOUDEST, greatest thing ever )
I'm not naive' enough to think that my experience or my feelings are unique, nor do I want any pity ( even if I didn't "know", I still knew what I was getting into ), I just want to hear a few voices of honesty every now and then. And, no, it's not all bad, it's running a steady 60/40 right now and I'm sure those numbers will continue to shift her entire life.
One of the many things I've gained from this so far is a tremendous sense of empathy for new parents.
I can't believe anyone ever has more than one child of their own free will.
5 comments:
It is very natural to think this way. Unfortunately the screaming for no reason does not really stop they just add more things to it like talking (screaming) back, hitting, kicking, etc... Just always remember that these are not the kids that your parents raised and just like our parents you adapt and overcome. Because their frustrations do not go and neither does your's.
Bucky
hugs for you and Jen. :)---Aubs
MY children never did such boorish things as you describe. Perhaps there is something wrong with your parenting? You should read this excellent book:
http://www.amazon.ca/Spanking-Loving-Discipline-Helpful-Practical/dp/0764225634
Try reading Alternadad by Neal Pollack. He's also got a blog over at Offsprung.
(i "know" you from jme and kristin on myspace)
oh..it IS so fucking hard!!! don't feel like a monster...someone once said, "you're not bad if you sometimes want to punch your kids....you're bad if you actually DO"
i have a 1 yr old...(3 kids total, one teenager!) and it is hard every time...those newborn screamings, the no sleep.
my one true gem of advice that works miracles?? EARPLUGS...buy cases of them. (i lose them all the time) i wear them at night...or in the car...or in the house if i can't take it...and it totally takes the edge off...you can still hear them :( BUT...it removes the nails on blackboard kind of cringe from your spine.
this does suck...but as you know, it's so worth it in the big picture...:)
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